There is this feeling inside of me that is dying to get out.  Like that scene from Alien, when they were tearing out of people's stomach.  Just like that.  And everytime that feeling stirs, I get the urge to go and take deep breaths, most of the time outdoor.  Ehem.  As if it would help the feeling come out.  Maybe if I exhale hard enough, it will. It hasn't yet. 

Meanwhile, I am evermore planted on the couch.  Especially since Nils just got the HBO package.  I'm watching movies after movies, some that would not have even made it to my Netflix queue.  Some of them are quite good.  I have to stop assuming what movies are about.  For example, Spanglish.  I thought that would be like a foreign movie or whatever: Like Water for Chocolate.  I think that was the movie.  I so hated it.  For some reason I thought Spanglish was gonna be something like that.  It's not.  It's actually quite entertaining.  I can feel my face sour up whenever Tea Leoni is in the scene, and smile when the maid girl is on.  I don't know why.  Maybe Tea reminds me too much of my life and I don't want to be like that. 

Anyway, I have been reading all weekend, when I should have been studying for my exam next Saturday.  On Friday I got "Blink", and finished it in one day.  It was so fascinating!  Not many books talk about things that I've never heard about.  I didn't realize how scientific the explanation for social behavior/ observations/ happenings have gotten.  Amazing.  So yesterday I went out and got Malcolm Gladwell's other book: The Tipping Point.  I'm still reading it.

Ok, the next movie is starting in a few minutes.  I hope you had a good weekend.  Mine wasn't too bad, except that I'm officially screwed in my March Madness basketball pool.  UNC lost to George Mason.  George Mason!!  And I picked them going all the way in my brackets.  Shoot.  Hopefully UConn will lose in the next round.  Hehehe.  That should make it interesting.

O-Town's All or Nothing

I know when he's been on your mind
That distant look is in your eyes
I thought with time you'd realize
It's over over
It's not the way I choose to live
And something somewhere's got to give
As sharing this relationship gets older older
You know I'd fight for you
But how can I fight someone who isn't even there
I've had the rest of you now I want the best of you
I don't care if that's not fair

Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing at all

There are times it seems to me
I'm sharing you with memories
I feel it in my heart
But I don't show it show it
And then there's times you look at me
As though I'm all that you can see
Those times I don't believe it's right
I know it know it

Don't make me promises
Baby you never did know how to keep them well
I've had the rest of you
Now I want the best of you
It's time for show and tell

Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
When you reach the bottom it's now or never
Is it all
Or are we just friends
Is this how it ends
With a simple telephone call
You leave me here with nothing

Cause you and I
Could lose it all if you've got no more room
No room inside for me in your life
Cause I want it all
Or nothing at all
There's nowhere left to fall
It's now or never

So much happened since the last time I was here.  It's been quite a productive month.  I took my GMAT, submitted one school application.  Pheww..  Cramming cramming cramming.  I get this week off, while waiting for my math book that's coming in the mail.  When it comes, back to studying I go.  Waiver exam's in 3 weeks.  If I don't pass, I'm gonna have to take a math course.  That's $500 + 3 months of homework!  Yikes...

But.... today's Friday!!  Yeay!!  Two days of freedom.  I'm going to spend all weekend playing poker and fiddling with my new ipod nano.  Yup.  I broke down and got one.  They are doing constructions 10 feet from my cubicle and the drilling, thumping, clanking noise is driving me nuts.  I went from I think I need a headphone, to I want to get an ipod, to actually buying and holding a nano in my hand, within 3 hours.  Talk about being impulsive!  But I love it to bits.  It's keeping me company in my darkened cubicle.  Yes, they put a new wall in, and the motion sensor for the light is on the other side of the wall.  So now the lights keep turning off on us, since no one walks around in the construction area.  I know.  Such immaculate planning.  Anyway, where was I?  Yes, listening to my ipod in my cubicle.  I was going to get a 2 GB, but someone talked me into the 4 GB one.  That way I don't have to hold back on putting what I want on here.  Right.  So wise.  So I listened to him.  But now one office colleague's been trying to talk me into deleting the Westlife and O-Town's songs on my ipod.  Oh, how dare you! 

I feel so accomplished this week.  I'm fixing this one process, and it's actually working!  One last batch today before I can stamp it and move it along for routine production.  I'm putting this down as one of my major accomplishments for next review.  Better give me a good raise, boss. 

Ok, I'm going back to my music report. 

Uptown girl, you know I can't afford to buy her pearls.. lalaaalalaaalalaa.  Ehem.

Sometimes work just pisses me off!  Arrgghh!  Gimme my happy pills!

My life's been so hectic lately, I don't even know where to begin.  First, there is the exam I'm studying for, and application essays I'm trying to write, and as if those are not enough, work is keeping me busy as hell.  These 20-hour days are not as easy as they used to be.  Age is catching up with me. 

I haven't taken the practice exam I told myself I would take this week.  So I don't yet know what kind of progress I've made.  I've been studying like there's no tomorrow.  I'm so proud of myself my chest could burst.  Undergrad college never motivated me quite to this level, and nothing like trying to achieve what is now near impossible to wake you up and regret your past mistakes.  Why lah didn't I do those bloody homeworks?  Why all these ugly grades?  A good friend laughed when I told her I flunked O-chem the first time, and got off with a D the second time around.  Not quite flying colors, and not exactly unscathed.  It wasn't my fault, someone clipped my wings.  If only.  Now I have to explain how I'm not the goofball that my grades say I am.  Grades oh grades, why do you lie about my intelligence?   Aren't you afraid they will cut your tongue?  My mother would have chilli-ed your mouth.  Like she did when I said "puki".  Or was that my dad when he thought I said a bad word.  I didn't, dad, I said "butong".   Puki, by the way, doesn't mean as loveable as it sounds.  Although some may beg to differ.

The essays are coming along slowly.  Friends at the office are helping me shape them, and now my past tells me I'm destined to be a businesswoman.  Even tiny accomplishments seem big when you shine the right light on them.  Words of caution to myself on future readings: objects in writings are smaller than they appear.  And people could be color blind, sometimes they choose the wrong lights that make things seem even further from the reality.  Although that narrows the smudging down to men, it is only an analogy.  It is not so in real life, women do it just as much.  I don't have a point, but I want to write that down anyway, since this is my blog.

All whining aside, next week will be better than this one.  At least I'm done with this one project at work.  The last bit of it is coming together right now, in a coater filled with three hundred thousand pretty little white tablets, 100 ft away from where I'm sitting.  Well, maybe it's a little further than 100 ft.  I don't really know how far 100 ft is.  Shame on me.  What with being an engineer and all. 

So there, my measly update for today.  Isn't my life exciting?  What?  More so than watching grass grow?  Ah, that is too high a compliment.  But thank you all the same.  Until next time, you have a good weekend too, ok?

Some people are jumping on the free speech bandwagon faster than some men jumping on the agama-kita-kata-i-boleh-kawin-sampai-empat-tau one.  Amazing.

I'm so proud of myself.  I studied the whole weekend!  At least 10 hours on Saturday, and 10 hours yesterday.  My practice test didn't go as well as I'd like, mostly because I was rushing through it.  I had 40 mins leftover at the end of each section.  I was so anxious to get through it to get a ballpark of where I stand.  Lots more studying to do.  Today I summoned my courage and asked for recommendation letters from my boss and former boss.  At first I was a little hesitant to ask, since 1) the application deadline is so close to the test date, I basically only have one shot to get a kick-ass score, and 2) I don't like my chances of getting in.  Embarrassing wei if I don't get in.  But there's only one way to find out.  If I don't get into this one, I'll apply to the other school.  That application deadline is in June.  So I'll have more time to prepare for that one. 

So now I'm on a three-pronged plan.  Study like hell to get a good score, workout like mad to lose weight, and at the same time work on my application essays.  Whoo whee...  I'll be one busy bee.  So if I go missing from time to time, you know why, ok?  No need to call the pohlice.

Not much else is going on.  This weekend Nils's mom is flying out to be here for the superbowl.  She lands on Saturday at 9 am, so Nils and I will be up nice and early.  Maybe we'll have breakfast somewhere.  I haven't had crepes in a looooong time.  Oooh, banana and nutella.  Yummm...  No wonderlah I'm getting fat.  But at least I'm happy!   No?

Ok people, I better hit the shower.  I know some of you get days off for Chinese New Year (you lucky bitches you), so enjoy your holiday.  Be safe.  I saw some of the accident photos.  Very the ngeri.  So drive carefully, and stay out of the road freaks' way, ok?